Friday, August 22, 2008

Olympic Amendments

Greg's Proposed Olympic Amendments

1. No more different swimming strokes.
There aren't different events for track like running backwards, skipping, karaokes, somersaults or whatever. When you win in track you're the fastest runner at one of seven distances. When you win in swimming you're the fastest wiggler in one of four specific motions for a million specific distances. And then they throw in the medleys and medley relays. Michael Phelps wins a zillion gold medals because his sport is (awesome pun coming) "watered down". If they want to put hurdles into the pool that would be cool. Otherwise it should be fastest swimmer for that distance period.

2. New sport -- team wrestling.
Two on two, mixed doubles whatever. If someone gets pinned the other guy has to go two on one. It should go by combined weight. That way Rulon Gardner could pair up with a real skinny guy, or two similarly sized guys. Whatever. That would be awesome.

3. Total medal counts should include team total medals.
One swimmer who gets one medal is equal to the entire US basketball team. For team sports everyone on the team actually gets a medal so that should be counted, so a basketball team should get like 10 medals. Horses should get medals for equestrian too. Lebron should get like four because he's so cool.

4. Legalize steroids.
Look at this. That's awesome. That's just about the coolest thing a human is capable of doing. Maybe if he had some steroids it would be better. I don't know. I'm just saying...

5. Wild Card Event
A random person should be picked from each country and forced to do some incredibly difficult event which changes every Olympics. They don't know what event it is. Maybe it's skeet-skeet-skeet shooting. Maybe it's platform diving. Entertaining and probably a better indicator of a country's athletic ability than watching the normal Olympic freak show.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I CAN RIDE MY BIKE WITH NO HANDLEBARS

No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Booya



I made this while "waiting" for Kathleen's carpool.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Calvin and Jobs